Bomb Scare
by tessnotbess
Summary: Complete, Jolie, One-shot. My version of John saving PC from the Jerry Jax debacle. When John thinks he only has seconds left to live, what does he do?


Disclaimer: These characters belong to ABC...or Prospect Park, or TOLN... and I am not them, so don't sue me.

A/N: So this is my version of how John saves PC from the bomb Jerry Jax sets in that pier warehouse thing (a perfect place to do that in a soap). If you weren't following the GH story, basically this Austrailian guy wanted to blow the entire town up after poisioning the water. It becomes John's job (because what isn't his job?) to diffuse the bomb with his soon-to-be (and significantly less smarter) partner. Naturally, there's a happy ever after for Jolie :) And if you're pro-McBam (which one would think I would avoid off of the GH side of fanfic) this is your warning, you're not going to like this story, so just stop reading now. R&R please!

As John waited for the response on the other end of the phone, he looked at Dante and Lulu. She had insisted on staying, not wanting to leave her husband if this was their last moments alive. She'd gotten him thinking about where he'd rather be- not that he had any right anymore.

The voice came through the phone, telling John that there was no answer, he'd have to figure it out for himself. He turned to Dante and Lulu- already knowing what he was about to do.

"Guys, it's a one man job from here on out, get out of here" John said.

"What about you?" Dante asked him.

"I'll ride this out to the end"

"John, we're not going to leave you alone to detonate a bomb that going to go off in a few minutes" Lulu said.

"Exactly, you two should be going now"

"John we'll stay-" Dante started.

"No" John told him, "Dante, look at her. You have a wife, you could have a future, you don't deserve to have that taken away from you- you got a lot to lose"

"John, you-"

"What? What have I got to lose? I already lost my family- I die, no one's any worse off" he said, "Now go. Run"

"Good luck, John" Dante said, as he and Lulu ran out of the shack.

John looked at the bomb- he had two minutes left, and he didn't see his odds as great. He took out his phone, seeing the picture of Natalie and Liam that he kept as his wallpaper. He hit the speed dial for the thousandth time since she stopped talking to him, hoping that she'd pick up, that he'd get to hear her voice one more time. As it rang, he tried cutting the two wires, but he knew with the nail clippers, he would need longer than two minutes to try to cut through them. He smiled as her voice came on through voicemail, it might not have been her saying the words, but at least he got to hear her voice. He swallowed, knowing what he was about to do would be the most difficult thing he'd ever done.

"Hey Natalie, it's me"he started, "I know you hate me, and so do I, and I deserve it, so it's okay, you've had every right to hate me. I'm sorry, for everything, for leaving you and my family, for the kiss. I just want you to know, she means nothing to me. The only one I've ever loved is you. More than anything, I'm sorry I didn't get on a plane to London as soon as I could, and I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you. If I could rewind time, I'd do a lot differently- I would've done what Blair asked me to do and that would've been it- I would have come home to you and we wouldn't be in this mess now" he said, "but mainly I called you because- I don't know if you've heard, well it doesn't matter. This is probably the last time I'll ever have to talk to you, I understand why you didn't pick up, I just wish I got to hear your voice. I want you to know I still love you, I'll always love you, and I'll never stop. I might never be your husband, and that's my biggest regret, but in my heart, you've always been everything that mattered. So do me a favor, and make yourself happy, you deserve that, I've always wanted that for you. And tell Liam I love him, everyday, it might be a lot to ask, but I probably won't be able to. I miss the two of you so much, I love you both" he said, looking down, and realizing he had seconds left. He crouched under a table then finished, "You just had to be the last person I talked to, I only wish you were the last person I got to kiss, I wish I got to kiss you goodbye. I love you Natalie, now and forever." he said as the large boom went off.

Dante and Lulu watched part of the shack fall down. Lulu leaned on Dante's shoulder. He was speechless.

"He didn't fix it" Lulu said simply, "Is he- gone?"

"There's a slim chance he lived through that" he said, "I have to go look" he said.

"I'm coming with you" she said.

Holding hands, they walked into the shack, seeing the rubble. Lulu saw the case still somehow intact.

"Dante, the anti-serum's still here" she said, "we might live through this"

Dante meanwhile was looking for a trace of John, he saw a pile of remains of stuff and started looking at the floor. He saw a light. Feeling a surge of hope and adrenaline, he lifted the rubble, moving it, and found John under a couple of collapsed ceiling tiles, support beams, and the remains of a table, his cell phone still blinking from something.

"How-" Lulu started.

"He's smart" Dante asked, checking John, "He's got a pulse- call an ambulance"

"They don't have ambulances"

"Tell them you have the antiserum, I'm sure they'll find one"

Lulu called into the ambulance and surely, an ambulance was there within ten minutes. Dante told them what had happened, told them about the aniserum, and sent them on their way.

"What do we do now?" Lulu asked him.

Dante picked up John's cell phone, staring at it.

"He said he'd lost his family, that there was no one out there for him" she said.

"If you were angry at me, so angry that you left me, would you want to know I was on my deathbed"

"Of course I would, but you don't know-"

"He's a hero- he shouldn't have to recover on his own" he said, "I'll call, c'mon, we got to get to the hospital"  
Dante copied the number from John's cell to his, and called.

"Buchanan" he heard.

"Hi. This is Dante Falconarie with the Port Charles Police Department"

"how can I help you, officer Falconarie?"

"there's been an accident, Ms. Buchanan"

Despite everything that had happened, Natalie's heart stopped for a second. This wasn't what she thought, it couldn't be.

"An accident?"

"John was diffusing a bomb and it went off" he said and heard her breath hitch, "He's on an ambulance on his way to General Hospital as we speak"

"You mean, John's alive?"

"It doesn't look too good" he said, "I don't know all the details, but I know you've been on the outs-"he paused, "He called you, minutes before the bomb went off. I think you should fly out here"

"I'll be there"

"I can arrange for someone to pick you up"

"I'll call you back with my flight information" she said hanging up.

A few minutes and a couple of calls later, Natalie had booked her flight, had the restraining order revoked and called the detective from Port Charles back. She went in to see Liam, sleeping soundly in his crib.

She finally called her voicemail. She'd been avoiding it, when she originally saw him calling, she was aggravated, after all he'd called her pretty much once a day for a month, despite the fact that she never answered. But now she knew, he was calling to say goodbye to her. The last words broke her heart, _You just had to be the last person I talked to, I wish you were the last person I got to kiss, I wish I could kiss you goodbye. I love you, Natalie, now and forever_.

She finally lost it. Since she'd moved to London, she'd kept it all inside- but now, everything was lost. Her baby boy might be without a father- and she could lose John, for real, not out of her own free will. That thought scared her more than she imagined.

"Natalie?" Jess asked, and when Natalie couldn't respond, Jess took her out of the nursery and into her bedroom, "What happened?"

"He- he might not make it" she said, crying.

"John always makes it" she assured her sister. She had already known she was upset about him, after all, Natalie had been tight-lipped since moving out here with her and , and no one else had ever been able to make Natalie so upset.

Natalie shook her head, "A bomb went off, they're surprised he didn't die on scene, and the OR's backed up- he really might be-" she cried, unable to finish the sentence.

"ssh"

"I love him, Jess" she said.

"Even if he-"

"He didn't- I know what I saw, but I would know if he was cheating on me- I'd be able to feel it, right now, I can feel him- and he really might not make it. What do I do if he doesn't? I can't do this by myself, Jess"

"Natalie, you're the strongest person I know-" she said.

Natalie shook her head, "He called to say goodbye to me and Liam, I saw him call my phone- I didn't even pick up" she said, "How could I do that to him?"

"We all do things that hurt the people we love, we know that better than anyone, don't we?" she said, "When are you flying out?"

"First thing in the morning. Assuming he makes it til then"

"Do you want me to watch Liam?"

"I'm bringing him with me" she said.

Jess knew better than to fight with her sister about that, "Okay. Do you need any help packing?"

Natalie shook her head, "I'm ready to go, I'm just not ready to face it"

"Does Dad know?"

Natalie shook her head, "He will, I called his lawyer"

"You revoked the restraining order?" she asked.

Natalie didn't answer, she was silent.

"Why?"

"I don't even remember what I was thinking when I got it- I was just so emotional and angry, Dad convinced me it was the best thing to do" she said, "i wanted to hop on a plane and hit him and yell and ask questions and-"

"See him" Jess finished.

"I have so many questions for him" she said, "but Dad insisted, and I've just been hiding from my feelings since then"

"You've been miserable since you got here" Jess said, "and I'll miss you, but you belong with John"

"And I might not even get to see him again-" she cried.

"Ssh- you gotta be strong for him" she said, "and you need to get some sleep if you're going to take a kid on a transatlantic flight tomorrow morning" she said, "I'll tell Nivel to move your bags to the car" Jess said leaving, "Get some sleep"

Sleep? she thought, she didn't sleep without John next to her, it was too hard. the best she could do was a few minutes of slumber that were sparrodic and full of things that haunted her. Still, her flight was in an ungodly amount of hours and she decided it was worth the shot to at least try to sleep.

_She could feel John's eyes admiring her. It was amazing that after years apart, they had drifted back to their old patterns. She continued to take her shots, smiling under his appreciative gaze. He might not have ever checked her out like a normal guy would, but he was loving her in this dress, and his smirk showed it when she leaned over the pool table. She missed the eight ball, which would give him a chance to play, too. She always liked watching him play, his focus, the muscles in his back that rippled when he made a shot. _

_"All yours" she told him as she handed him the cue. She walked back to her spot, away from the cue ball so he could have a clear shot._

_Instead of taking his shot, though, he walked toward her and put the cue away._

_"Aren't you going to take your shot?" she asked confused._

_And he grabbed her hand, and pulled her flush against him, saying, "Yeah. Right now."_

Natalie woke with a start, breathing heavy. She caught her breath and first felt angry. Why had her subconscious woken her up then? The good part came right after that. then she felt the resentment. Everything about that night had been a lie. He'd gone and kissed someone else and didn't even bother to tell her. Then, like a brick wall, she felt the pain. He was suffering, and she wasn't around to give him strength. the memory of that night was fresh, like it had just been yesterday, but in the end, it was just a memory and that might be all she had left of John. She didn't know how she was going to face tomorrow, every time she had to do this , she'd always relied on him. And the one time she couldn't she'd been a basket case. He didn't even know she lifted the restraining order, if he didn't make it, he believed she hated him. She remembered what he'd said in her voicemail. _I deserve it, it's okay, you have every right to hate me._ He'd already forgiven her, and she didn't even give him the time of day.

"I'm sorry" she said, "Please God, give me one more chance. I know, I know we've had more than our fair share of those, but i just need one more. I can't do this without him" she whispered.

She looked at her clock, she still could sleep for a few more hours, so she put her head down and tried to cry herself to sleep.

A few hours later, she was standing in the Port Charles airport looking for someone she had never met or seen. The officer had sent his wife to pick her up, and the only way he'd described her was blonde and beautiful. Men, she thought, exasperated. She remembered how John described her to people, a fiery redhead and pretty. Finally, she saw a blonde and beautiful woman looking for someone. Might as well try, Natalie thought. The blonde saw her at the same time.

"are you Natalie?" the woman asked.

"I am, and you must be Lulu?"

"Yes" she said, "Do you need anything before we head to the hospital?"

"No" she said, and silently, she followed the woman to her car.

Once safely in the car, Natalie asked what she needed to know, "How is he?"

"Thats the thing, they won't release any information without the consent of family or next of kin, and we don't know-" she trailed off.

"I'm his next of kin" she said.

"Well, that's good. Dante, my husband, he called you, he stayed in the hospital all night, there's a lot of people there. John got into the OR really early this morning"

Natalie nodded, "So he made it through the night" she whispered, mostly to herself.

"Yeah" she said, "Could I ask you a question?"  
Natalie knew she wasn't going to be able to answer anything easily, but she couldn't exactly say no, "Go ahead"

"I was with John right before- he said he'd already lost his family, that there was nothing out there for him anymore" she said, "that's why he told us to go, cuz we still had each other to live for. But even saying that, he called you with minutes of his life left" she said, "What are you to each other?"

A few silent tears managed to escape, but Natalie controlled them, "It's complicated" she said as if that could explain their nine years of hardships, "He's everything. Even when I think I can do this without him, I'm just miserable" she said.

"I know what you mean" Lulu said, "But I don't understand why he thought he'd lost you"

"I ran" she said, "He did something- it just seems so stupid now- and instead of following my instincts and flying here to kick his ass, I ran, and didn't let him near me or Liam" she said, "I gave him every impression that I was through with him and I went to live my miserable life"

"Self-destructive streak?" she asked.

"You sound as if you know about them?"

"I'm a Spencer, its in my blood" she said, "I've had a few of those, to say the least" she said.

"You and me both" Natalie sighted.

"John took over police commissioner while Anna was out-of-town. We'd be all be dead if it weren't for him. He's a real hero"

"yeah, he does have a hero complex" Natalie said, laughing, "its his best and worst trait"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He's a hero, so he's great in a crisis and he knows exactly where trouble is, but he'll follow it to a tee." she said, "He almost let me marry someone else because he wanted me to be happy. Stupid hero complex"

"You two really have been through a lot"

"Well, this wouldn't be the first time I've seen him on his deathbed" she answered, "except then it was a miracle, this time it's a tragedy"

"Hey" Lulu said, parking the car, "He's John McBain, he's going to pull through"

"Let's hope" she said.

The two of them walked into the hospital and found Dante and a doctor conferring outside a room. When Lulu and Natalie came up, Dante stopped to kiss his wife.

"You must be Officer Falconarie" Natalie said, "I'm Natalie"

"It's Dante" he said, "Nice to see you in person" he said.

"What?" Natalie asked.

Dante handed her a phone, "It's John's" he said, and she saw his wallpaper, her holding Liam, and a few tears came to her eyes.

"He saw us everyday" she whispered, "How is he?" she asked the men in front of her.

"Patrick" Dante prompted.

"I can only share that with-"

"I'm his next of kin" she said, "Natalie Banks, he probably has me written as Natalie Buchanan" she said.

Patrick checked the file to assure that she was telling the truth, and then proceeded to tell her.

"He has a major concussion and some minor internal damage. All the internal damage was squared away in surgery, his concussion, well we put him on anti-swelling meds and hopefully, he'll be waking up soon. He's going to have to stay here until the concussion is determined to be minor at best, so he'll be here for a while. He doesn't wake up when the pain meds wear off, we're in serious trouble" he said.

"Okay" Natalie said, "Where is he?"

"He's right through here" the doctor said, "He's hooked up to a lot of machines" he said, delicately.

"Okay" she breathed, "I haven't known you guys that long, but would you mind watching Liam for a bit? I don't want him to see his Dad like that" she asked.

"Of course not" Lulu answered, "we owe John. Big time"

"yeah" Dante agreed.

"Alright" Natalie said, kissing Liam on his head, "If he starts fussing, call me. And if it's too much, I can call Starr-"

"Don't even worry about it" Lulu said.

"Thank you" she said, as she went in to see John.

It hit her again, that this could be real. The doctor had said if he didn't wake up soon, there were going to be big issues. His chart was at the foot of his bed, and she didn't think twice about reading it. Concussion caused by a severe hit in the head.

"Thank God you have a hard head, McBain" she said quietly.

She sat down by his bedside, unsure of what to say or do, she had so many emotions flowing through her. She was past tears at this point, so she simply took his hand, interlocking her fingers with his, remembering how once she told him they fit together perfectly, and they did, in more ways than one. But for that to work, they had to be together.

"John, I'm sorry" she said, "I'm so sorry about all of this, you'd have been home when this happened if I hadn't run away. I lifted the restraining order. Liam's outside with Dante and Lulu. And I'm not leaving" she said, "I need you, John. I love you" she said.

She didn't know when the meds were supposed to wear off, but she knew the longer he'd sleep the worse off he'd be, the more likely to have brain damage, and the more likely he wouldn't wake up ever. He'd survived, clearly, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. She glanced at his chart. he should wake up within the hour. She just had to wait. Which, she knew would take a toll on her nerves, and they were already on edge.

She had fielded the calls she knew would come, Jess, Bo, her Dad, her Mom. She'd checked on Liam, called Starr, just in case, but for the moment Liam was fine. John was the same- and he shouldn't be. The reality began sinking in, she really might have to do this without him.

Don't think like that, she'd tell herself, He's overcome death before, and he'll do it again. John always come through. Just let him know you're waiting for him.

"I'm here" she told him, "I love you"

She thought she was hallucinating when she saw him move, and because she wanted him to wake up so badly, she instinctively did she what she knew always woke him up.

_"We got awhile before midnight, McBain. You wanna play while we wait?" she asked_

_"I think you should stop talking and break" he said smirking._

_As she took her first shot, she leaned over the pool table and John either unintentionally or completely on purpose was given a look down her dress. He took a swig of his beer and smiled as she sent balls into different pockets. Time changed nothing, she was till an amazing player, an even more amazing person. She walked around that pool table like she owned it, and in that dress, any man would be counting his blessings to be where he was right now. But this was his Natalie, and he'd missed her over the past few years. Something about her always struck him in the heart. She made each of her shots with such confidence, he'd always loved that about her. And then when she missed her shot, and hung her head, did she even know how that made his heart swell for her? And how she was walking towards him, did she know how sexy she looked?_

_"All yours" she said, handing him the cue._

_She was the only one that did unspeakable things to him. He could control himself with anyone else, it was a trait he'd learned way back when, and it often earned him praise from his superiors. But with Natalie- he always lost all control. She walked again, this time away from him, and he snapped. He had actually thought the two of them would wait til midnight he'd ask her for a chance tell her everything she needed to hear, then take her to their rooftop and let the night go on from there, a type of romantic that he knew Natalie would love. But now, he couldn't wait, her in that dress and that walk, he needed her as soon as possible. He walked to put away the pool cue._

_"Aren't you gonna take your shot?"_

_She really didn't know what she did to him, did she?_

_"Yeah" he said grabbing her and pulling her flush against him, "right now"_

As he woke into a lesser state of unconsciousness, he was happy that was the image he was leaving this life with. He had read once that one theory of heaven was that each individual person got their own version of it. He could live in that night for the rest of eternity if this was his personal heaven. He couldn't really pick one day or night that he would want, but this night was definitely okay with him. Visions of Natalie played out before him, and suddenly, she was kissing him. It was unmistakably her, even in heaven, even in death her kiss lit every nerve in his body on fire.

When she pulled back, his eyes were still closed, as if dreaming, and then they flew open. Just like always, she thought. She was happy for the two of them just to look at each other for now.

When he opened his eyes, he saw her. She was there, he was able to look at Natalie for the first time in months. he had never been happier. If he ever got to see God in this after life, he'd have to thank Him for letting his own personal angel greet him into the next life.

As moments passed and he realized she was still there, and not a vanishing vision like the others he'd had, he began to worry. As much as he wanted her to be with him, he didn't want her dead, what if she had been hurt? What if her death was painful? He should've been there to save her from dying, and he hadn't been. and if she was here with him, where was Liam? What would happen to him?

"How did you get here? Where's Liam? Is he okay?"

"Calm down" she said, "We're here"

"How?"

"We flew" she said.

"did your airplane crash? did you get hurt?" he asked, concern clouding his eyes.

"what are you talking about?" she asked.

"How you died- you said you flew-"

"I'm not dead" she said, "Neither are you"

"But the bomb-"

"You're saved, you saved a bunch of people"

He shook his head, "It went off I was going to die-"

"yeah, thank God you have such a hard head"

"What are you-?" he started.

Natalie cut him off with a kiss. She needed it, and she didn't want to answer his questions just yet.

"Natalie"

"now I am the last person you kissed" she said, "you feeling okay?'

"I have a headache"

"You should- you got hit pretty bad in the head"

"I still-"

"do you want me to answer your questions or do you want to see Liam? and I want the doctor to see you now that you're awake"

"Yeah, can I see Liam?"

"I'll get the doctor and then I'll be back in a few okay?"

"yeah" he said still confused.

Natalie walked out, taking a deep breath. So much to say, and yet she didn't want to say any of it. she told the doctor that John was awake and then she headed towards where she'd last seen Dante, Lulu and Liam. And that was when she saw her. Her. She didn't know her by name, only by her face, the last time of which she'd seen her lips had been attached to John's.

"You" she said, snapping.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Sam asked.

"No, but you're about to" she said, and before either women could think about it, Natalie slapped her across the face, causing her to yelp in pain.

"Ow! What the hell?" Sam exclaimed.

"How dare you even show your face" she said, "Where's your husband?"

"Look, i came here to see a friend. He's hurt and he doesn't have anyone-"

"Oh, how heroic of you" she mocked, "coming to the rescue of someone you barely know" she said.

"You don't know-"

"Oh, I know" Natalie said, "and John has me and his son, and that is more than enough, so you don't need to any saving around here"

"You're- you're Natalie" she said, "You know"

"Oh, I know alright. Now here's what you should know, I'm from AC, so I won't think twice about kicking your ass if you paw him again. So stay away from us"

"Look, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I want John to be happy, and if he's happy then maybe I'll be happy, too"

"Good, go work on that, cuz he's happy now" she said, definitively.

"He loves you. And I have a husband I love, even if-"

"I know" she said, "So you can go now"

Sam sulked away, and Natalie went to retrieve her son. Dante and Lulu were both glad to hear that he was awake, and Natalie told them they could come see him after he had a few minutes with his son. They completely understood, said they were going to go see someone else, and then see John. As Natalie walked back into his room, he was clearly more awake, and attempting to sit up straight but Natalie could see it was painful. The doctor was still in the room.

"So what's the deal?" she asked the two of them.

"I'm okay" John answered.

"Cuz your medical opinion matters" she answered.

"The concussion is still a big concern. We're going to need to keep you here until it becomes minor or obsolete. And if you want to sleep you'll have to notify a doctor or nurse, because we'll need to keep track of your vitals to make sure you're really out of the woods" Patrick noted.

"And the internal damage?" Natalie asked.

"Nothing to worry about, all signs show surgery fixed the problem"

"Thank you- I didn't catch your name"

"Dr. Drake" he said, "I'll be around if you need me"

As the doctor exited the room, John reached out his hand to Liam, and smiled when he grabbed it.

"Here" Natalie said, placing Liam on his lap, "He missed you"

"Hey buddy" John said to his son, and placed a kiss on his head, "Daddy missed you. I love you"

Liam responded by pulling on the fabric of John's hospital gown. For a minute, John just allowed himself to be happy about the fact that his son was sitting in his lap again. Natalie felt happy for him, too. She could almost forget the world of hurt they both had gone through. At least he was going to live.

"Natalie, I-" John was cut off by Dante and Lulu coming in, for which Natalie was secretly grateful.

"And the hero is back" Dante said, "How you feeling, man?"

"Better, thanks to you guys, I guess"

"well, everyone is feeling better thanks to you" Lulu said, "I guess Jerry's plan was ironic- he wanted to kill anyone around the cure and leave the cure in tact"

"Go figure" John said.

"So not even a bomb can take out the great John McBain" Lulu said, "How do you do it?"

"Believe me, a bomb is not the worst I've seen" he said.

"Let's not go through the list" Natalie muttered.

"what's worse than a bomb?" Lulu asked.

"Why'd you ask that?" Natalie joked.

"Well, I'll start with a tornado passing through a church I happened to be standing in and getting suck under a pew, and then finding someone only to find they're bleeding badly"

"We'll stop there" Natalie said, "I'd rather not relive the multiple episodes of dramatic life in Llanview"

"You were there too?" Lulu asked.

"I was the one bleeding" she said.

"Dante, what happened with Jerry Jax?" John asked.

"Dead" Dante said, "Sonny, Jax, and Jerry got into a shootout, Sonny survived, Jax was presumed dead until a few minutes ago"

"No sign of him?"

Dante shook his head, "Everyone survived" he said, "The mayor put me in charge, since Anna's on her way home anyway"

"When's she due in?"

"tomorrow some time" Dante said, "I'm sure she'll be by to check on you before she does much else"

Lulu saw that Natalie was uncomfortable with the thought of another woman so fond of John, and had already seen Sam's face.

"She and my dad will be happy to hear how well you did" Lulu said, emphasizing the idea that Anna was already romantically involved, and saw Natalie shoot her an appreciative smile.

"Well, I'll be in touch" Dante said, "Thanks for everything, John"

"Thank you Dante, Lulu" John said as the two of them left. He looked to Natalie, saw the line of worry on her face.

"So- you and Lulu?" he asked.

"I like her" she said, "She picked me up from the airport"

John nodded his head, unsure of where else to start, "You're here" he said.

"I am" she said.

"Am I going to get arrested for that?" he asked.

Natalie looked down, "I revoked it yesterday. Dad found out this morning"

"You okay with that?" he asked.

"I did what my dad told me was best under my emotional distress. I'm not saying that an ulterior would have been better, but I wasn't thinking clearly"

"You were never one to hide. You were never one to run. I didn't understand it"

"I was hurt, I-"

"You are hurt" he said, "because of me"

"i hurt you too" she said, "I wanted to come looking for you, hit you, yell"

"that's what I would have expected" John said, "And for you to beat Sam's ass, too" and then he saw the look pass over Natalie's face, "Natalie-"

"Well, I can't hit you right now. She bore the brunt of it" she said, "I've done worse"

"I'm sure you have" he said.

"I know I hurt you, but I wasn't happy about it" she said, "I wasn't happy any of the time you were away, and that just-"

"The kiss, Natalie, we were both drunk, we were both upset. And i told her I wasn't about to make that kind of mistake again. I hate myself for it. She, Sam, I don't know, I feel something towards her, but not love, sure as hell not that. I still love you"

"I know" she said, "I listened to your voicemail, after ignoring the call. I felt awful about it. And when Dante called me" she trailed off, "I was so scared" she whispered, near tears.

"Ssh, I'm okay" he said.

"Even though I told myself I hated you and that I could live the rest of my life without you in it, even though I was ready to never see you again, when he said there had been an accident, I thought that was it for me, I was actually going to have to live without you, for real, not because I wanted to, but-" she trailed off, "Jess had to talk me down, tell me I had to sleep. I knew the dreams would come, but I tried anyway"

"You're okay" he said, "You're the strongest person I know. You're going to be okay" he said, carefully wording himself.

After a few minutes of silence, during which John contemplated being content for now or going for it, and Natalie waited for him to ask the inevitable question. John looked at his son. A day ago, he was convinced he'd never see him or Natalie again. What did he have to lose?

"You kissed me" he said simply, looking into her eyes.

"yeah, I did" she answered.

"So- no restraining order, no Sam, no Clint" he said as she remained silent, "Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know" she said, "I- I have so many things swirling around my head right now-"

"No. Don't think, this is about you and me, and nothing about that has ever made sense logically" he said, reaching out and touching her hair, "cuz if I had to think about what I feel when I look at you, I'd run the other way" he said and got a little smile out of her, "how do you feel?"

"I'm happy you're alive" she said, "I was so scared when I thought-" she stopped, "When I thought you were going to die, nothing else mattered, I just had to get to you" she said, "and looking in your eyes again, I feel like I'm finally home"

John took her hand in his, "So you and me, are we worth it?"

"I've always loved you" she said, "Apparently I'm never going to stop" she paused, "But I'm not the one who kissed someone else"

"Sam-"

"you said you feel something towards her. What is it?"

"I don't know" he said, "it's like, I know her but I've never met her before. That we understand each other without even knowing-"

"Why'd you kiss her?"

"I don't know" he said, "I had a lot to drink, I missed you, Liam. Scully just got out of jail. Seemed pretty hopeless to me. She was there, going through her own issues"

"I bet she has a lot of those" Natalie muttered, "You could've come home. You could've called me"

"I wanted to, but-"

"Let me guess, you had to feel miserable. Self-loathing" she said, "We went through this already. I'm not going to go through it again"

"i told her that, right after it happened, I told her about Kelly, i told her I was never making a mistake like that again, I didn't want to lose you"

"You should've called me right after. The morning after. Tell me yourself"

"I wanted to tell you, I wanted to do it in person"

"then you should have come home right away"

John looked into her eyes. She wanted to forgive him, he knew that, but his actions were giving her a hard time doing that. "You're right" he said, not backing down, "I don't deserve another chance. I know that. And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you give me that chance" he said, "But if" he didn't think he could say this, but knew that he needed to, "if you can't. I understand. I don't know what I would do if the tables were turned. But Natalie, you're it for me. you two, you're everything to me. If you walk away" he paused again, fighting the thickness in his throat as he realized this was a distinct possibility, "If I can't have a life with you, I'm going to spend the rest of my life hating myself for the hurt I put on you. I really- I really don't know what I'd do without you"

"I do" she said, "you'd try and move on. You'd even tell yourself you might be better off. And you'd push away everyone around you because they feel bad, but they can't understand. and it would get to the point where some days, the pain of being away seems just like its normal and you can almost forget. Until you fall asleep, because then the dreams'll come, and you can feel the warm embrace, remember what it was like to sleep next to someone who loved you. Or worse- and you look for someone beside you and he's gone. And then you'd wake up to another mundane day of life without him. Until one day, you realize it might be too late-" she said as tears came and she stopped.

"Ssh" he said, wiping her tears away, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all of this. I still love you, Natalie, I'll never stop"

"I love you, John. I can't live without you, I tried. It's too hard" she said.

"I won't ever make you go through that again. So long as I live, Natalie I promise I'll come home to you every night and hold you as you fall asleep so those demons don't come" he said, "I know how it feels to miss sleeping next to you. It does me a world of good to know you're safe and in my arms. You keep my demons out, too"

For a moment, he gently just wiped away her tears as the two of them came to terms with what had just been said. Right now, she could think about what she wanted for the rest of her life, and he'd happily wait for her; because right now she was with him and she still loved him. As she calmed down, he half smiled as he realized Liam had fallen asleep up against him. He looked back to Natalie. Even though she had just cried as though she hadn't in months, and he was pretty convinced she hadn't, she was beautiful and she took his breath away.

"Natalie-" he started.

"it was never even an option. I made that decision when I left London. If you love me and only me, you and me belong together" she said.

"And I was just going to say that you look pretty" he smiled, "I'll never stop making this up to you" he said.

"Well" she said, "Let's get home first, okay?"

"Where is home?"

"the house we bought for the family we wanted. The only place that's ever really been mine, and yours" she said.

"I love you. Thank you so much for this chance"

"I love you, too. Like I could ever turn you away"

Carefully, John leaned over and kissed her.


End file.
